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Being married and gay, 1990s


Alan describes his marriage breaking up as he came to terms with being gay, he was in his early forties.

Coming to terms with being gay

In the early to mid 1990s, Alan’s relationship with his wife was not a good one, she was very controlling and he did not for a while. He was made redundant from teaching and got himself a travelling salesman’s job and then began to cottage again. During this time he met a man called Robin, whom he began a year’s affair with. Unfortunately in 1995 the man died and his wife questioned him about the affair on the day of the funeral, it was now he decided that life was too short and he actually was gay, aged 43.

Marriage Break-up

He and his wife’s relationship got worse and Alan also met another man, John, who he is still with now. His wife in the meantime asked him to leave their house “eventually she said ‘I want you to move out’ . I had been waiting for this, I said ‘fine’. So I phoned John and we went to look at bedsits, eventually I found a bedsit and made arrangements to move in. I went and told my wife and she said ‘I didn’t mean now I meant August’. She was a teacher and it suited her to have me there until then. I moved out anyway.”

Coming out

Alan’s ex wife was very bitter, she had threatened to tell his parents he was gay and followed it through when they divorced. He says his parents were fine with him and even accepted his male partner, who they get on with better with than his ex wife. Sadly though his son wants no contact with him.

Contributed by: Alan 1, 54

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