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First sex with a man - 1981


“I came out in 1985 but there was a two to three year period before that when I began to recognise my homosexuality. I realised that something was wrong. I had no prejudice against homosexuals, but it’s a big step to accept that you might be one of them. I had my first sexual experience with a guy who I’d been friends with for a couple of years. In spite of just being mates, we’d do bizarre things like going to the Lickey Hills and sitting in his car or on a bench and having a cuddle. You don’t cuddle your mate. So much denial! Then I moved to Bournville and an opportunity arose for him to stay overnight. We ended up having sex. Afterwards I burst into tears, out of relief and acceptance. This was what I was. From that day I realised I didn’t want to be closeted. My friend was still denying that he was gay or bisexual, so that was the death knell for that relationship, once I wanted to be open about it. People always saw us together, so if I came out they would put two and two together. The affair lasted about eighteen months and ended in about 1982 because I was moving on. I am gay. At that point I was using that word to tell people, when I felt comfortable with them. So I thought we could never be in a stable relationship given the circumstances. So we broke up. Later he got engaged, though he didn’t marry”.

Contributed by: Trevor Sword, 50

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