Memories by Derek
Exploring sexuality age six to eight
"I probably realised I was different at the age of five. A lot of people say ‘How can you know at that age?’ At that age I didn't understand what gay was but I knew I was different. However some of the stuff about me was stereotypical but some wasn't...
Attitudes to gays at secondary school in Four Oaks
" We had a few pop stars that were camp and flamboyant. John Inman was on the telly in the 70s and 80s in Are You Being Served? and Larry Grayson. They weren't any kind of positive role models. All I saw was gay as being effeminate or camp. At ...
Gay stereotypes and AIDS in the media late 80s
“It was the height of the AIDS epidemic, there was such a fear. They see things on telly, these stereotypes of HIV / AIDS in the late 80s. There were a lot of government adverts that looked like Goth-Rock videos that spelled death. That if you had se...
Harassment through late teens
Derek describes persistent homophobic harassment and gay bashing from an older boy.“At the age of 15,16, there was an older kid in the street who accused me of being gay, he was 19 and he was a milkman in the area that I went to school in (Kingstandi...
Suicidal at 19 in 1991
"I was hanging around with my straight mates from school up until about 18. That started to wear off once they got girlfriends and I wasn't really going to go through that. I did have one sort of girlfriend but that was really out of peer pressure. A...
Phoning Birmingham Friend in 1991
“When I was about nineteen I contacted Birmingham Friend after seeing an advertisement that used to be on after ITV Central News at about 10.35 pm 'Are you gay or lesbian?', pretending I was not taking any notice but then took down the number. I w...
Friend socials at the Matador from 1988
“I came out to a social with Birmingham Friend that used to be held at a pub at the Holloway Head (The Matador) which was a straight pub but the landlord was gay-friendly. He let a room out of a Friday night. I was quite shocked and a little naive...
Contrasting attitudes of Friend counsellors 1992
“I had spoken to a Friend counselor in a face-to face situation and he was very supportive. He just said 'Be careful because of your age.' I was nineteen, twenty at the time. 'Good Luck. I think you'll be alright.' He wasn't looking to sexually ex...
Going to Nechells Green Gay Youth Group 1990s
"I did get introduced to the Gay Youth Group called the Gay and Lesbian Youth Group which was aimed at 16 - 25 year olds. It met at Nechells Community Centre on a Saturday between 11 and 2 and then we'd always go for a drink in Partners which is c...
Pubs/Clubs at the time - 1992
"At that time a lot of pubs were still knock on the door. You could walk into Partners. The Jester was up Holloway Head, and is one of the oldest gay pubs in Birmingham; I think it's renamed now. There's a police station above it and it's opposite...
Coming out to family in 1993
"I didn't do anything of a sexual nature until I was about 20, and moved out of home around 21. When I was on holiday in America I realised I can't go on living this lie pretending I've got a girlfriend. I'm no good at lying and it's not who I am....
Losing friends
"I was losing touch with my straight mates because I knew they would not accept me. That was again quite difficult. I don't think they were intellectual enough to sort of sit there and say 'It's not a problem, we don't like them but we like you’. ...
Work
"I worked in the civil service and you were protected more in that kind of environment than perhaps working in private industry. By the time I was 20, 21, I had come out to a few people at work." ...
Joining the Police in 1995 age 23
"My sister told me not to join the Police because she was in the Police and she said it was quite homophobic; this was in 1995. She said ' I wouldn't advise it. I work with people who said 'I wouldn't work with gays’.' I thought I can't let that h...
Backing into the closet in the Police
"I wasn't out in the Police - I found myself going more back in the closet because of the attitude. If anybody was camp or effeminate even if they were straight or married it was picked upon by a few people. I just thought, ‘No, this isn't going t...
Police Training - Gay Issues
"The police training had role-plays where the class would split into two groups. One part would play police officers and the other would play members of the public. They would have these scenarios and have these mock houses. Then they would introd...
Pressure to appear straight
"When I was 24 I ended up having a ‘public relations’ girlfriend. Basically getting a gay woman friend I knew to pretend to be my girlfriend which saddened me in a way because I thought this was going backwards. She was bi, and subsequently is now...
Experiences working in the Police in 1997
"In 1997, the first tutor I had on the streets was a bit old-school. There was a gay sauna on our area and he made a few comments about it. He said 'There's puffters in there. That's where the puffters go. He didn't actually know that I was gay at...
Working in the Police Force in 2007 - the present
“On the whole in 2007 it is quite positive. Gay people are joining the Police. I don't think people are coming out straight away but feeling quite comfortable perhaps after a few months."...
Book: ‘Coming out of the blue’ - 1990
"’Coming out of the blue’ was written in 1990; I remember reading that at the time of joining. In my experience 75 -80 per cent of it was quite negative with the problems that people have (in the Police). It was almost more accepting of women to b...
Jesus In Me Group (JIM) 1996/7
"When I was in my early twenties about 1995/97 there was this religious group called ‘Jesus In Me’, advertised quite a bit around Birmingham. One of the leaflets talked about Edward who was a homosexual but now he's found God and he's married with...
Friend Counseling Service
220 Friend Counseling Service"I was involved with Friend West Midlands, a gay lesbian bisexual counseling service that used to run alongside Switchboard. There was Gay Switchboard one side of the room. It used to be above the Nightingale then it m...