Co-fostering as a lesbian mother
1989
“The woman I was in a
relationship with had one child but wanted to foster, which came to
fruition in the late eighties. My role was an unofficial one as I spent
a lot of time with the household but didn’t live there but I was a key
part of the children’s lives. The social workers knew very well what
was going on but chose not to question it because the person that was
the official foster parent was stable and adequate enough to take these
children and give them a life and therefore whatever else went on, it
was presented to them as friends who came to help out…to spend time
with the children, including gay male friends. Most of the people that
the children were in contact with were lesbian or gay but there were
others who weren’t.”
“Although the social workers knew what was
going on, nothing was made explicit, partly because we didn’t want to
make it explicit with the children. In retrospect I regret this,
because I feel that if we had been able to be more explicit with the
children about our sexuality and their choices, there would have been
some confusions that were less likely to happen. I’m sad that we had to
function in a slightly oppressive, denying way because of our
circumstances.”
“I’m still in contact with the children who
are all now in their thirties, they’re all heterosexual though none of
them are married and none have children – they all came from households
with difficulties”.
Contributed by: Belinda, 60